PhiLLy RoLL

I Might Be Just a Bit Spacey Today

For a couple of weeks my Crimson Editor icon was gone from it's place in the lineup in the start menu. But the words "Crimson Editor" were still there and I could get to the program just fine. And then just now, when I opened it to compose a blog post, I noticed that the little dog's face is back again. I have no idea why it disappeared, though I assumed it has something to do with a recent installation of Visual Basic in spite of Windows Vista assuring me it would not be altogether happy running it*. And I have even less idea what made it reappear just now. But it's cute, and I'm glad it's back.

Anyway that is not what I was going to post about. But having brought it up, I am reminded of something I am always wondering about. I'm always reading on people's blogs that Blogger or Typepad or Wordpress or whatever software "ate" someone's post. And then I wonder, why do people compose their posts right in the blogging interface anyway? Isn't it safer to open up a separate editing window and type in that? And then cut and paste?

Well, I suppose it could be because people use the rich text editing that some blogging software includes, like Typepad does. And no, I haven't memorized the code that lets me link to an image and have it float there on the left like that little dog icon is doing above. I do actually use the Typepad editor for that (and then I cut and paste what it gives me into what I've already been typing in Crimson Editor). It's only when I'm all done that I copy and paste what I've got in Crimson Editor and put it back into Typepad's editor. It's really just a bunch of Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V, and Alt-Tab. Anyway, it's just something I always wonder when I hear of people losing posts that they just spent an hour writing**.

Anyway, like I said, that is not what I was going to post about. I was going to post about food cravings, and how I thought that, for a few hours, my cravings had subsided. Given that I've had beef for dinner every night this past week, I guess I shouldn't be entirely surprised that I wasn't in the mood for it today. Not even when JCM came in to work*** and really wanted a burger. Even then I brought along the lunch I'd prepared (an avocado, an apple, and a peanut butter and honey sandwich) and ate that while she ate her burger. Later on, as I was walking home from work with J, I had to tell him that I really didn't want a burger for dinner. He seemed skeptical and pushed a little to find out if it were really true. But it was true, I didn't want it. Maybe my cravings were gone for the day? Maybe I was having an anti-craving.

And then, hours later, I laughed when I realized what I was making for dinner. Sushi. (No, not raw fish sushi, but maki rolls with cooked shrimp, avocado, and asparagus.) It's not that I hadn't realized I was making sushi (I'm not quite that out of it!), but it's just that I didn't quite notice that I was simply switching one craving with another. And yet it was really so obvious.

And I even talked about making sushi in the previous post! But since I wasn't making sushi with raw fish, I really wasn't thinking of it as satisfying a craving. In fact, in my mind, this wasn't really sushi. But just that I wasn't in the mood for burgers tonight and I had the makings for non-raw sushi on hand, so why not?

It was very good.

 

 

* And it's true, it wasn't entirely happy running Visual Basic, though the only problem I am aware of is that I had to disable something in Microsoft Word (I forget what, but something to do with macros I think).

** Have I written about this in the past? This actually feels vaguely familiar. But maybe it just seems familiar to me because it's something I've thought about from time to time... Who knows, maybe I am just a bit spacey today.

*** For those of you who know who I'm talking about, let me just say that she looks great!!

No Sushi for Me

All right. Sigh. I cannot justify lifting my ban on sushi.

Yes, it's true that most fish is flash frozen and that this kills many of the parasites that are a concern - like tapeworms. (That link goes to an article about parasites on disaply in the Meguro Parasitological Museum in Tokyo, which J and I went to when we were there. We each picked one museum for the day - I picked a bonsai museum and, of course, he picked the parasitological museum.)

But it seems that the greater risk for sushi is that it make contain listeria, just like deli meats, which I have also been avoiding. It's a cold tolerant bacteria that can be really harmful to the unborn baby. And while the incidence in the US is very low, pregnant women are at a higher risk because we have lowered immune systems. Also, although I haven't read this anywhere, it makes sense to me that one reason the incidence of listeria infection may be low is because people who would be vulnerable to it avoid the foods that are likely to harbor it. So it's probably not wise for me to start eating it on a regular basis.

Also, the more I thought about it, I couldn't think of a single place I would feel totally comfortable eating it here in Philadelphia, except maybe Morimoto. (J and I were planning to make a special trip there, but then I got pregnant.) I definitely wouldn't order it from one of the food trucks (though I did have sushi from a truck once before I was pregnant, and it really wasn't too bad), and thinking of my favorite local restaurants, occasionally the raw fish tastes a little fishy (while other times it's great). So if I'm not comfortable while eating it or for weeks afterwards, I just don't know how much I would really even enjoy it, and so it's probably not worth it.

Oh well.

I did pick up some avocados recently, so at some point in the next few days I'll probably make some rolls at home that don't have raw fish. I usually make them with avocado, shrimp, cucumber, and/or asparagus, and that usually (temporarily) satisfies whatever general craving I have for sushi.

It's frustrating because I know there are other listeria risks I'm taking every day, just by eating fresh fruits and vegetables and leftovers (sometimes, and I try to make sure they are reheated enough) and take out food from restaurants... but of course I wash what I can as well as I can, and heated food is definitely less of a risk. So I guess it's all calculated risks, and unfortunately, I can't justify eating sushi as a reasonable risk.

So there you have it. Even I can't rationalize eating sushi.

Pregnancy Paranoia

Three and a half months into this pregnancy, the "Pregnancy Paranoia" is starting to wear on me. Although I am often hungry and of course the advice is to eat so that I and the baby are well nourished, I am confronted with apparent danger at every restaurant, every grocery store, and even every farmer's market.

Right now I am thinking about it because tonight I'm going out for burgers with friends. Thinking of me, they kindly asked whether I trusted the kitchen of the place they suggested we go. And well, I have no idea! How am I to know, really, where the beef is coming from, how clean their kitchen is behind closed doors, how hot the meat gets when they cook it, and whether this particular beef carries toxoplasmosis? I just know that I have been craving a burger all day and I don't want to worry about it. But of course, all I do is worry about it.

Rare Meat

Rare meat is at the top of my list of worrisome food items because it is the one thing I have been craving since day one of this pregnancy. And it's one of the most frustrating because unlike alcohol which has clear effects that are related to the amount of alcohol intake, rare meat simply presents a risk. That is, it may contain a bacteria that is relatively harmless to adults (it may feel like the flu for a few days or you may not even know you got it), but for fetuses, in the first and second trimesters it can result in severe abnormalities such as hydrocephalus (water on the brain), brain damage, epilepsy, deafness, blindness or growth problems, and in the third trimester, in can result in later developing eye problems. So it's not good.

So what's my risk? According to the internet, 85% of women pregnant women have not previously contracted the toxoplasmosis infection (and are thus are not immune to it) and 40% of pregnant women with toxoplasmosis will then pass the infection on to their child. So that's also not good.

And then, I don't even want to think of all the hormones that they pump into cattle.

So the rational part of me says, that's ok, I should just make sure my meat is well done (or at least medium). But... I really prefer rare meat to well done. I'm not craving through-and-through tough brown meat. I'm craving red and juicy! And that craving is irrational and irritable that this is no way for me to assess the risk. It's just a risk that is always there and so I should always have boring chewy well done meat. :(

Sushi

And then there are the sushi cravings... I think to myself, how can sushi be anything but good for the baby?! It's pure protein, complete with omega-3's and fish oils!

Okay, so big fish have high mercury. I get that, and I'm willing to set aside those fish.

But from what I can gather from the internet, the risk associated with eating raw fish is that it might have parasites. And then I read that flash freezing fish kills those parasites. And that all raw fish in the US is first flash frozen. But yet, everything I read says to avoid raw fish. And I just can't tell why. One possibility is that the advice simply errs on the side of caution (if you aren't going to pay attention to which fish have high mercury levels and which don't, then you might as well avoid them all). Another possibility is that the information is either wrong and/or outdated; maybe the advice givers don't they know that all fish that gets served raw is first flash frozen?

I am really reconsidering my current ban on sushi. From what I'm reading, I'm starting to wonder if the risks associated with sushi are actually lower than red meat which pregnant women are actually "allowed" to eat. Anyway, I have to think about and research this a bit more though, because I think one remaining issue might be that if the fish isn't kept cold enough that maybe it could become contaminated with some other kind of bacteria. (If anyone has any information about this, please let me know!)

Acne Medication

This is the only other item on my list of things I am worrying about, but wish I didn't have to. There are no studies on the effect of topical acne medication, but there are well-established results that acne medication that is ingested (e.g., pills) can cause birth defects. And since the medications are the same in both forms of treatment, it is simply recommended that you don't use treatments with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. Tea tree oil is out too. So that means that my first ever "real" case of acne that continues to stick around is something I can't do anything about.

(Actually, with lots of washing and moisturizing, I have managed to get it to a state that I can put concealer and foundation over it, but ew, that's gross too. I just can't decide which is looking worse - no make up and obvious red spots and ruddiness? or a slightly bumpy chin covered in a layer of make up? I was going with the first for a while, but I think I might be at a stage where the latter is acceptable. But on a daily basis, it often could go either way.)

(Um, aren't I supposed to have beautiful skin and hair and a lovely glow right now? I'm waiting!)

Not worrying about ...

But there are lots of things that I'm not worrying about. For example, I'm not worrying too much about weight, mainly because I haven't been craving junk (other than red meat, mostly what I want is water and fruit and plain cereal). And although I'm eating more, I don't think I'm eating all that much more than usual.

And I'm not worrying about alcohol. I'm honestly quite ok without it, and I probably do better in conversation without it. :) Also, I know that the effects of alcohol are pretty well established, so it's not about "risk", but rather about known effects. "They" do say that low amounts of alcohol are probably ok, but I interpret that to mean that they don't show the same gross effects (gross as in "big") that you find with high amounts of alcohol. I won't freak out if alcohol passes my lips at some point, and I'm certainly not going to go up to a pregnant woman who appears to be drinking something alcoholic and give her my personal rationale. But for now, I personally am not minding avoiding drinking.

And with that, I'm off to a bar now.

For well done burgers. :)

Still Tired Sometimes

Wow, I am so tired today that I woke up and cried. And this is after nearly 10 hours of sleep. (Interrupted only twice, as far as I remember, by trips to the bathroom.)

Actually, I cried once yesterday. J and I went suit shopping after work, and afterwards I had to decide whether we should walk or take the subway home, and the decision was apparently too much for me to handle. So I cried. And as I cried, I kept telling J that this wasn't supposed to be happening, that I was "done" with this part. (As in, the first trimester is officially over, and I should be feeling fantastic all of the time. Of course, I'm still only just at 14 weeks along, so the first trimester isn't that far gone. And also, I'm still pregnant, so I guess that continues to have some effect, whether I want it to or not.)

Anyway, we decided to walk. On the way home I decided that Giwa (Korean food) was exactly what I wanted and had wanted all day long but hadn't known it, so we stopped there for dinner. It was ... ok. J's bulgogi was really boring, but my dot sot bibim bap with tofu was better (though I love it with the raw egg that gets cooked when you stir it all together in the stone pot, and this one only had cut up cooked egg).

I was fine, but tired when we got home, so I laid on the couch and finished off The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. Then I went to bed.

And now here I am, eating chicken noodle soup at home in my pajamas while I work on homework for a class I am auditing. (In case I sound like the biggest slacker, I should point out that I have a thing to do at a school in the evening, so I will be working later tonight. So that's part of the reason I'm taking it easy this morning.)

Two Sizes too Small

Wow, I had so much more energy last week! It was so exciting. And it was a good thing too, because I was really busy at work. (Well, that is probably because I've been dragging for so long that now I really feel like I need to get moving on things, so I'm trying to do everything at once.) Anyway, it was kind of fun.

This week also looks like it's going to be insanely busy. I'm trying to cram in a regular full work week and at the same time, we are going out of town on Thursday for my sister's wedding, which is in Vermont.

I picked up my bridesmaid dress at the tailor today and was greatly relieved to find that it now fit perfectly.

One reason I was a little bit worried is because I went to a place that I'd never been to before and didn't really know anything about - Sansom Cleaners. I picked them because they looked like a big place (I don't know why I thought that would matter) and because they had a wedding dress on a mannequin in the front window and advertised that they do alterations and custom made wedding dresses. I figured that if they could make whole bridal gowns from scratch that they should be able to fix my problem

The other, major reason I was worrying about the dress is that the one that was sent to me was two sizes smaller than what I had ordered. When we ordered the bridesmaids dresses, I had asked for one two sizes larger than what my measurements were at the time, in part because I knew there was a chance I would have gotten pregnant by the time the dress came in. I didn't tell the store that, but I figured I didn't need to give them an explanation. I told them what size I wanted and they said ok. And then they went ahead and totally ignored my request and ordered it in the size they thought I should get.

Or well, actually, they told another bridesmaid (who also got a dress that was sized smaller than what she'd asked for) that it was the fault of the manufacturer who shipped a dress according to the measurements and not according to the size that was asked for. But I find that highly suspicious and unlikely. First of all, one of the other bridesmaids never sent measurements and the company managed to ship her a dress just based on a size request. But also, I have never heard of this "problem", that you and your bridal shop figure out the right size for you based on your measurements and then the manufacturer ignores your size order. You'd think it would be one of those things that the bridal books and magazines tell you to watch out for, but I have never heard of that.

Furthermore, the store has completely ignored my sister when she has complained about this. When the first woman complained that her dress was too small, my sister called the store and insisted that they not send my dress to me in Philly until they confirmed that it was the right size. They said they would do that, and then... sent me a size 2 dress. Not what I ordered.

So needless to say, the dress was too small. My sister was irate when I told her about it, and I immediately regretted that I had even told her. I really should have waited until I had gotten a tailor to look at the dress. Rather, in the meantime, my sister has been all stressed out about it. She was so upset the night I told her that she had her fiance call the store and leave them a message about it, asking that they call her back immediately the next morning. Are you suprised that they never called back? I'm not. But I had suggested to my sister that she let it go for now because if the dress could be altered to fit me, we might not have a huge problem on our hands. My idea was that if the alterations for letting the dress out were significantly higher than what it would have cost to take the dress in, then we would make a big stink and get the shop to pay for it. But if the dress really was fixable and the cost was no greater than it would have been if they'd shipped the larger size dress, then it wasn't worth the pain and agony she would be putting herself through trying to get them to do something for her to make up for their mistake. (We have since read some reviews of the shop that suggest that they really aren't very accommodating in cases of conflict with a customer. I plan to add my own review to that list.)

Anyway, the tailor was able to fix the dress and all is well now. I even had them fix a second dress, so now I have something to wear to the rehearsal dinner too.

So now all I have left to do this week for the wedding is write a toast... I am so bad at this. I really don't like talking in front of a group of people, especially having to be sentimental or witty. But then again, the audience will just be family or people I don't know (and likely won't see again), so I guess it won't be that bad. :)

Changes

Well, so much for the running. Ever since July, I've been really dragging. I've never felt fatigue like this before in my life and I wonder if this is what people with chronic fatigue syndrome have to deal with every day. How terrible. I have felt like carrying around my body is a burden, like I wish I could just leave it at home and go on my way. Like, if I could take off my arms so I wouldn't have to cart them around with me, I would totally do it. And my pace is so slow that J has had to adjust to walking with me as if I am a senior citizen.

I've also been hungry. And a carnivore. It used to be easy enough for me to live like a vegetarian just based on the kinds of things I like, but ever since July I've been craving red meat like a starving anemic or something. I used to complain to J that he cooks too much meat (tacos or burgers, usually), but suddenly I couldn't get enough of it.

Oh, and I'm gaining weight. (Naturally, given the lack of exercise and the eating.)

And I have to pee all the time, particularly every couple of hours in the middle of the night. I'm also really thirsty all of the time, so not drinking water isn't really an option. Anyway, it makes it hard to sleep when I keep having to get up.

And then today I bought acne medicine for the first time in my life. I didn't even know what kind to buy and had to read the descriptions on all of the packages to figure out what kind I needed. I ended up with Neutrogena something or other that's supposed to get rid of zits and reduce redness.

I have given up sushi.

And alcohol.

Can you guess why?

Ok, so a lot of you reading this already know, but for those who were reading what I just wrote and thinking that I'm just turning into a fat lazy slob with zits... nope! I'm pregnant!

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now, but first we played the waiting game. That's the game where you wait three months to tell people you're pregnant just in case you have a miscarriage and can't deal with the grief at the same time as having to then tell people you lost the baby, yet for those three months you're supposed to carry on as if you aren't worrying about a thing. Not surprisingly, I wasn't very good at that game.

And also, once the fatigue hit, I just couldn't find the energy to write up a post that sounded at all enthusiastic about being pregnant.

And then there was Brazil. Which was a lot of fun and a great experience. Everything I've written about in the past few posts is true. But it was also exhausting. I wish we could have gone about a month later because already I'm starting to feel better. However, I did eat very well while I was there. (Did I mention my carnivore cravings? Brazil has some fantastic meat. And the most amazing fruit juices.)

On the plus side, I haven't been nauseous at all! I just don't know how women handle being both exhausted and nauseous for two to three months, and I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with that.

Even better, starting last week, I've started to feel much, much better with regard to fatigue. There was one day when I even went out after work and ran a bunch of errands. I was practically giddy afterwards. I've come down a bit since then. Yesterday I worked a 10 hour day and was a crying mess once I finally got home. Today was a more reasonable work day, but I still took a half hour nap on the couch when I got home (while J went out running). But things are looking significantly better.

Now for the baby details. I'm about 13 weeks along, so I'm right at the end of the first trimester.

I'm not really showing, at least to the rest of the world, but I can definitely tell. My pants are too tight. I took my biggest jeans with me to Brazil and they were uncomfortably tight when I was sitting down, which I think is a combination of having gained a little weight and also a slightly expanding belly. My favorite jeans were tighter than that and those are simply not wearable. So when I was out on my recent errands trip, I stopped to shop for some maternity clothes. And wow, did I feel ridiculous. All the pants I tried on were huge, and I felt like an imposter for even trying them on. I didn't even try any shirts on, but so far shirts aren't a problem anyway. But eventually I ended up at Mimi Maternity where a very nice sales person helped me and didn't make me feel at all silly for looking for pants at this stage. I get the impression that this is what women go looking for first. Anyway, there are other "tricks" I could have tried, like not buttoning my pants all the way and using an elastic to latch them and then wearing a long shirt, but that just makes me feel like I'm exposing myself or something. There are also these stretchy tubes that you're supposed to wear over your unbuttoned pants, but that also makes me feel slightly undressed. So I bought some maternity pants that I am really happy with. They are totally wearable right now (and wow, are they comfortable! they're like wearing pajamas), but I will also be able to grow with them. So I don't need to count the days until I feel justified shopping for maternity clothes - now I'm all set for a while.

I've only had one ultrasound so far and that was to date the baby so it was very early on - they dated the embryo at 6 weeks and 2 days. All I could see on the ultrasound was black area that they said was the gestational sac, a white ring that they said was the yolk sac, and then a pulsing white spot that was the baby and the pulsing was its heartbeat (that part was very cool). Getting the ultrasound wasn't all that pleasant however. We sat in the waiting room until we were really, really bored. Then, once I was undressed and on the table, they told me that I was supposed to come with a full bladder. It really would have been useful for someone to tell me this because I don't think that's really common knowledge among those of us who have never had an ultrasound for a pregnancy. Well, let me tell you why that's important - a full bladder makes it so the uterus is higher up and they can find it. But otherwise, it's kind of buried in there and they have to find other ways of getting at it, namely, inserting the ultrasound camera. Sorry, I realize that's probably tmi for some of you, but for those of you who might ever be in the situation, now you know. Drink lots of water before you get an ultrasound.

(Oh, side note, ultrasounds are insanely expensive. We got an explanation of benefits in the mail, showing the cost of the ultrasound at about $1300 and the $1280 in payments made by our insurance, leaving us with only a $20 co-payment. How in the world do uninsured people pay for prenatal care?!)

Since then we've heard the heartbeat one other time, this time with a doppler, at around 11 weeks. So we know that things are good so far!

We don't know what the sex of the baby is because an ultrasound won't show that until at least 18 weeks, and usually people do that around 20 weeks. We are going to ask to know because, well, why not?

And that's it. We'll see if I maintain this energy level that allows me to keep blogging. :)

Brazil: Paraty (II)

I wrote this post at least a week ago and for some reason never actually published it. I may not finish with all of my Brazil pictures and stories... Will you be disappointed? I think it's fun to talk about a trip right when I get back, but then life goes on and I have other things to talk about. Anyway, here's what might be the last post about Brazil.

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Since the historical center of Paraty is so small (and did I mention touristy), it's not somewhere you'd (I'd) really want to spend days in. But it's in a beautiful location on the coast of Brazil between Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo. On our first full day there we went on a schooner tour of the islands just off the coast. I think there are supposed to be at least 300 islands, but of course, we didn't go to them all. We sailed past many of them as we headed out and then stopped at two islands (ostensibly to swim, but it was too cold for that) and stopped near a couple of others (presumably to swim and snorkel, but no one on our boat was having that either). Still, the views were incredibly beautiful and it was a wonderful relaxing few hours.

The day started off perfectly sunny, but with nice fluffy clouds in the sky.

If you are doing any web research on Paraty, this is the view of the town that you will find displayed on every website. (Well, it's usually a bit closer up than this, but I didn't bring my telephoto lens.)

Shortly after heading out, the boat owners or drivers or whoever they were started announcing some things in Portuguese. Since I don't speak Portuguese, I wasn't listening very closely, but then I heard my name and soon someone came over a thrust a caipirinha into my hand. J got one too. Apparently we had won the free drink raffle.

The first beach we stopped at (Praia Vermelha) looked very small, but once we took the little inflatable raft to shore, we found that we only had time to walk up and down it once before being called back to the boat.

This couple in the first picture is not us, but I took it mainly because of the woman's bikini. Well, that and the view of the beach. But with regards to the bikini, I was interested to see that everyone wore a string bikini, regardless of body size or shape. J and I looked out of place in our practically full-body suits in comparison.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with the same. Stopping at a beach, stopping near a beautiful island, having lunch on the boat, etc.

After a while, the sun and fluffy clouds disappeared and the sky became very overcast. But it was still beautiful.