Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow... For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow... so quiet down cobwebs... dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!!
J's mom reminded me of this cross stitch that she had displayed in the room we stayed in when we visited them recently. We didn't actually talk about it while I was there, but I read it over and over whenever I was in the bedroom nursing Squeakles.
It's not so much the part about putting off cleaning that gets to me, although it is nice to get a little affirmation that it's ok if our apartment is a disaster zone. (Oh, that's not exactly what it says?)
It's the part about babies growing up so quickly that gets to me, because every day as I watch Squeakles learn to do more and more new things, I am also a bit nostalgic for the baby that is already slipping into the past. I really try not to think about it like this because of course babies grow up and of course I want him to and, well, of course every single step he takes forward makes my life that much easier! Plus, I am getting to see more and more of his personality, and there is a part of me that just wants this development to hurry up so that I can truly interact with my Squeakles and get to know him even better. I want to hear the things he's going to say and know what he's thinking about and see the things he's going to do.
But at the same time, I'm sad that the baby days pass so quickly. So I do take the time to sit and hold him and just enjoy those moments. Two nights ago when he woke up at 6:30 - or, more accurately, when he still wasn't sleeping by 6:30 after having woken up crying every hour since 2:30 - I debated about just leaving him in his crib to cry until he fell asleep. But I didn't think I could do that without leaving the baby monitor on in our bedroom and that meant that there was no way that I (or J) would sleep. So I got back up for the millionth time and just held him a little bit. He continued to cry, but I could feel his body starting to relax. He let me hold him while sitting down, so that softened me even further (as opposed to having to stand up and bounce him until he whimpers off to sleep). As he lay in my arms and slowly (very sloooooowly) drifted off to sleep, I was glad to have that moment with him. Eventually I did put him back in his crib and I went back to sleep in my own bed. While I don't want to do that every night, it did give me some soft cuddles with him that I don't usually get during the activities of the day.
So with our new babysitter starting this week, I am more aware than ever of these moments. However, now that she's come twice, I can say confidently that I am not going to be losing moments. If anything, I am gaining them because I can work so much more productively when I go to work, and then give all my attention to Squeakles when I'm at home. Last night I cleaned up in the kitchen and living room while Squeakles either played nearby with his toys or with J. When he needed to be nursed, we rocked in the glider chair and Squeakles even took a little nap while I held him (and while J and I were in the midst of watching several episodes of The Office so that we could catch up before the new season starts.) J and I each fed him some mashed banana (which he now looooooves). And at the end of the evening, I took a bath with Squeakles and then put him to bed. I definitely didn't finish the massive cleaning effort that is needed to make our apartment actually presentable, but it helped. And it was nice to have an evening with Squeakles and J, without someone trying to work.
The new babysitter is great so far. I had thought that I would need to stay home with her for a week to train her, but I realize now that it was just my new mother's nerves that had me worrying she would need so much guidance. While she doesn't have a lot of infant experience, she has enough to be comfortable. And she seems to have good instincts, good common sense, and a very nice nature in dealing with Squeakles. He responds very well to her and even went to sleep for her on the very first day!
Well, I've rambled on long enough and now I've got to go meet up with some friends. I'm going to meet JCM's son for the first time - so exciting!