Sentimental Seadragon

A Post About Me and Not My Child (this is my blog after all)

• I've been working on writing a paper and it's totally stressing me out. This is annoying because I really love this project, I love my bosses, and I think it will be a good paper. So it's frustrating to be feeling free-floating anxiety and an undercurrent of panic. I wonder if it's just dissertation flashbacks. Whatever, I'm working through it and I'm determined to feel happy about the paper in the end.
• The cats are fighting again. This also really stresses me out. We have currently separated the cats and given each their own litter box and food. So now we're dealing with two cats who each want to be in the other's space and don't understand why the doors are closed.
• We're going to a kiddie pool party tomorrow afternoon. Squeakles has three bathing suits (one I bought before I realized we'd be getting two hand-me-downs) but no swim diaper. I didn't know such things existed until a few days ago and I'm wondering where I can get one before this party. (Maybe it's not necessary for this party, but see below for why it might be necessary later this week.) We don't have a car anymore and the big box stores like Target or Babies R Us are not especially close by (I'm sure I could take a bus, but I really don't want to spend a whole morning going out on this errand). I'm hoping to find something at Rite Aid or CVS in the diaper section.
• We're going to another party on Sunday evening. It's a potluck so I have to think of something (easy and quick) to make.
• We're going on vacation with my immediate and extended family all of next week. We'll be staying in a timeshare and doing things like ... well, I don't actually know. I've been too busy to do more than a cursory Google search about things in the area. Well, one thing I know about is that there's a pool in the timeshare complex (this is why we might need a swim diaper).
• Somehow, over the weekend, I also need to find the time to do laundry, pack, and clean! (Oh, and work. I'm supposed to send my bosses an update on part of the paper, review some work a research assistant has been doing, and review abstracts for a conference.)
• I'm attempting to start the Couch-to-5K running program again! So far I've done two days. J is also doing it, but we've been running separately. In the past we've always run together, but one reason our last attempt failed is that it was just so hard to find a time that was good for both of us. We stagger our work hours, so there are times (even whole days) when one of us is at work while the other is home with Squeakles. Since we have a jogging stroller, the person-at-home can just take Squeakles out running whenever they feel like it.
• I planned to run on Tuesday evening, but was almost foiled by rain. Fortunately it only lasted about fifteen minutes.
• This evening's run was nearly foiled by a flat stroller tire. I dragged the stroller out of the apartment building (with Squeakles in it) and drove it to this bike shop, the whole time trying to drive it mainly on the two non-flat tires. I was relieved that the bike shop was able to sell me another inner tube for the tire - $11 later and I was ready to run. I was then nearly foiled (again!) by rain (again!), but the menacing clouds turned out to be all for show.
• I think running is helping with the stress. It's partly the exercise, and partly the chance to spend 20 minutes not working, not chasing after Squeakles, and not cooking/cleaning/etc.
• Since my mom will be reading this, I should point out: If I sound particularly stressed, well, the stress is there, but mostly I'm just tired this past week. In the bigger picture of life, I'm actually quite happy.
• Squeakles is getting happier every day, if that is possible.
• We've been listening to Michael Jackson.

Squeakles, Lately

"BOOM!"

Earlier this week we had a thunderstorm in the morning. At first there was low rumbling in the distance, but all of a sudden there was a loud boom. I bolted out of bed and reached Squeakles' room just as he started screaming. To help calm him down J and I tried to make the thunder seem like fun. J started saying, "What does the thunder say?" and then answering his own question with "BOOM!!" and shaking his head back and forth. Squeakles loved it and started doing it with us, all the while keeping his eyes on the window.

I wondered if he would remember either the thunder or the game. Ever since then, if I ask him "What does thunder say?", he'll watch and wait for me to do the "BOOM!" and then he'll turn his eyes to the window.

"No, no, no"

The past few days Squeakles has started imitating a lot more of what we say. Well, one thing he hears a lot is "no". We say it when he goes to throw things in the cat water or put his hand in it, when he throws food off of his tray, when he tries to play with the lid of the kitchen trash can, when he tries to pull things off the lower kitchen shelves, ... these are all the things we are consistent about saying no to. Of course, there are a lot of other no's, as he makes his way around the apartment, grabbing for anything and everything.

Yesterday he sat by the cat water, looking at it but not touching, saying "no, no, no".

Today he dangled food off of his tray, smiled at us, and said "noooooo".

It's clear that he knows at least a few of the things he'd not supposed to do.

But this made me a little sad. He was wandering in circles in the living room / kitchen, saying "no, no, no", which is what I fear the babysitters say to him all day as they chase him around the apartment. I tend not to do this - instead of following him around telling him "no" to 90% of what he reaches out for, I just bring him back to the living room and engage him in something there. But I think the babysitters let him roam around more and they simply redirect his hands away from all the things it would be best for him not to touch. I don't like that he's so familiar with hearing "no, no, no" as a matter of course as he walks around, so I said to J, "oh that's so sad". Squeakles heard me and repeated "shad". Even sadder!

(Does anyone have any advice for what to do about this? One idea we have is to buy a baby gate so that Squeakles can't regularly access the hallway and back rooms of the apartment. Another idea is to instruct the babysitters to simply entertain him in the living room instead of letting him roam freely while saying "no, no, no". If I can do it, they should be able to do it too, right? And since it's summer, it's not like they have to be couped up in the house all day long.)

"Uh ohhhhhh"

Everything is "uh ohhhhh", often before he intentially lets something drop something to the floor.

"shoe"

This is another favorite word. Lately he wakes up saying "shoe". And he repeated it several times to the cashier at the dollar store yesterday (and then laughed and repeated her as she said "mm hm" and "yeah" over and over to him).

Dancing

I think that all babies love music, but I don't have enough experience with other people's kids to know if they love music and dancing the way Squeakles does. I'm curious, so please let me know!

All he has to hear is a few bars of any music, and he's bouncing in his seat - whether it's background music in a commercial, music at the grocery store, or music we actually turn on for him to enjoy. If I pick him up so we can dance together to music, he is estatic - grinning wildly and bouncing up and down in my arms.

No Fear

I'm sure this varies a lot across kids, but Squeakles generally has a no fear sort of personality. Even if he is wary of something at first (thunder), he quickly gets used to it.

But he certainly has no fear of hurting himself, and even when he does get hurt, he goes right back to whatever he was doing. This morning he caught his finger in a drawer, cried, we put ice on it (which he enjoyed), and then he reached out to play with the drawer again.

A couple of weeks ago he was standing at the tub, watching it fill for his bath. J took his eyes off him for maybe half a second and in that time Squeakles launched himself over the edge and into the tub. He somehow flipped over headfirst, ending up on his back under water. J fished him out immediately, Squeakles screamed and screamed, we comforted him, J felt nauseous for several hours about the whole thing, but Squeakles... went right back to the side of the tub and leaned over as far as he could to splash his hands in the water.

Can you say...?

I know some of you have already seen this on Facebook, so apologies for cross-posting this video.

Just before heading out to the store yesterday, while I had Squeakles strapped into the stroller, I decided to catch a few words on video. Primarily I just wanted to get "ball" on video, because I love the way he says it, but then I continued with a few other words and animal noises.

I don't know why he wouldn't say meow. He usually loves to say it, though I don't think he gets what part of the sound constitutes the whole "word" so he often repeats the first syllable and it comes out "meowmi". But yesterday he wouldn't say it all and instead made this new noise he's come up with that he usually uses whenever he doesn't know the answer. Everyone's a comedian, I guess.

Enjoy! (If you're reading this in a feed reader or email, you may need to click through to the blog in order to see the video.)

Can you say? from Philly Roll on Vimeo.

After this video, we went to Whole Foods. It's about a twenty minute walk each way, and I am an especially slow shopper, so it wasn't a short trip. Yet Squeakles didn't complain at all. In fact, he acted like he was in the Squeakles parade, smiling big at everyone passing by and doing whatever he could to engage them. Multiple people stopped to tell me how cute he was or that he was smiling at them. Sometimes I wonder if Squeakles is really my kid, because I just don't think I have ever been as gregarious as he is. But he certainly is fun to be around.

If I Wrote Blogging Software

I would create an option that would let readers go back to an earlier post and then read later posts in regular chronological order - without always having to start from the bottom of a page and read up.

(And if I wrote iPhone software, I would make it possible to go back one page (or more) in the web browser even if you exit out or turn the phone off.)

He's Watching What I'm Watching

This morning as I was feeding Squeakles breakfast, I turned on the tv to continue a movie that I've been watching in ten to fifteen minute segments (because the days of spending over an hour watching tv while nursing are long gone). When he heard the tv turn on, Squeakles turned to see what was coming on. It always catches his attention for a moment when it turns on, but typically hedoesn't pay much attention to whatever is on unless it is Yo Gabba Gabba.

(He also turns toward the tv whenever I put a CD on, and he keeps looking back at the blank black screen, trying to figure out why there's no video to go along with the music he hears.)

This movie I've been watching is supposed to be a thriller, but it's not especially violent or dark. At least, I didn't think so and so I reasoned that if Squeakles wasn't obviously focusing on it, he probably wasn't noticing much about it. [Spoiler alert, in case you haven't seen this movie.] But in the scene I'd turned on this morning, the main character had been shot and was lying on his back on the ground. He put his hand to his abdomen and then raised it, bloody, in the air to look at it. The camera zoomed in on his hand there in the air, and ... Squeakles, in his high chair, raised up his hand into the air.

Eek!

I immediately turned off the tv and hoped that he hadn't really comprehended what he had seen. He probably didn't because the shooting actually happened the last time I'd been watching it and I'd apparently paused it just as he'd fallen to the ground. Still, I guess it's time to be a little bit more careful about what I watch!

In other news:

• Squeakles had a checkup at the doctor today: he's 24 lbs, 2 1/2 feet tall, and got two more shots and another failed attempt to draw blood. (I hope he hasn't inherited my veins and that it's just his baby fat making it difficult to find a vein. Whenever I've had blood drawn, it usually involves multiple attempts while the nurse pokes all around under the skin looking for a vein. One time they gave up and drew blood from my wrist, and another time from the back of my hand. Yes, it's as uncomfortable as it sounds.) But Squeakles was really good about it all and was easily distracted at the end of whole ordeal by the gift of a book. (They give us a book after every visit.)
• After the doctor's appointment, J and I picked up Korean food for lunch and ate it with Squeakles in my office. J had spicy pork, while Squeakles and I shared a Korean pancake.
• After lunch and a considerable amount of Squeakles running around the office (and visiting various people in their offices), J took Squeakles to his office for more running amok.
• Left to the peace and quiet of my own office, I had a Skype meeting today with a colleague in Chicago that lasted almost two hours. It was exhausting, but I am so glad we didn't attempt to have the conversation over email - it would have taken days.
• In an attempt to be efficient at home, I've been trying out some recipes from a cookbook that promises great food fast. So far I think the food has been fine (but not spectacular) and only minimally faster than anything else I make (maybe because I still have to dice things smaller than called for so I can be sure Squeakles can eat the food too). But it's fun to be trying out new recipes. So far I've made (1) farfalle with salmon, mint, and peas, (2) chicken and zucchini, and (3) turkey burgers with grated gruyere cheese, dijon mustard, and scallions.
• Squeakles still eats at least as much as I do at every meal. (Thus, the 24 pounds.)
• Oh! We were in Florida recently, visiting with J's family and attending his sister's baby shower! I totally forgot to write about it (other than mentioning it with regard to Squeakles now sleeping in the crib). Short version: the shower was really lovely, Amber is looking fantastic (I would be jealous if I didn't like her so much), J's brother made (from scratch) homemade playdough for Squeakles, and J's parents spent a lot of time playing with Squeakles which he absolutely loved.