PhiLLy RoLL

It's Starting to Feel Like Spring

I am tired of life always feeling so busy that I can't keep up. And by keep up, I mean, get enough sleep and not have the apartment look like a tornado just blew through. And I certainly never seem to manage to write posts here on a regular basis.

But this weekend I got out of the house - out of the state even! (okay just to New Jersey) - on a "mom date", which stereotypically involved the grocery store and coffee. That's what moms are supposed to do, right? But it was wonderful. My friend D took me to a Vietnamese grocery store, then to Wegmans, and then to Panera Bread (after all, we were playing suburban moms with a car). Among my exciting purchases: a 50 lb bag of premium rice (Kokuho), sticky rice and banana wrapped in banana leaves, noodles, Chinese broccoli, and Firecracker chocolate (dark chocolate with chipotle, salt and popping candy).

In the past couple of weeks I am rediscovering the importance of getting out beyond the small world of my family and my immediate work colleagues. It's not that there's anything wrong with them, but keeping my sphere of interactions so small makes me think very narrowly about life in general. Of course, it's hard when you have two small children and a full time job to just go out on a whim. But what I end up doing is living week by week, each week feeling the immediate pressures of things that need to get done, and not taking a little time out to relax and gain some perspective.

Also in the past few weeks I am starting to enjoy my family life a little bit more. Squeakles has largely gotten past the tantrums. There are still remnants, but he no longer throws a fit when we bring him to school, bring him home, or basically ask him to do anything. When he tries it we are usually either able to talk him out of it, or some time in his room by himself does the trick. Today he was in a fantastic mood - chatting all day long to anyone within earshot, or when we attempted a (failed) nap, he just kept talking happily to himself. He even chatted up one of our neighbors when we were in the laundry room. I was standing at the washer throwing him wet clothes which he was trying to catch and then put in the drier. Every time he caught one, he would crane around to see our neighbor, saying things to her like "I did a good job catching what Mommy throwed me!" or "I caught that one with my face!" Later I asked him if he remembered her name and giddily he joked that her name was Cilantro. He was so pleased with this joke that he brought it back hours later, calling me Cilantro with a big laugh and a look of utter delight on his face.

Because I like to keep track of his language development, here's a little picture of what he's saying lately:

• "I ate the rice all." (analagous to "I ate it all")
• "What is that in the world?" (trying to say "What in the world is that?")
• "How is that crazy?" (trying to say "How crazy is that?")
• Whenever I comment on anything he does, he repeats back what I say as a "why" question. Although he's finally figured out which pronouns to use (he no longer refers to himself as "you"), he hasn't mastered the correct agreement on the verb, so he says things like "Why weren't I?"
• He also hasn't mastered gender pronouns fully, though I actually suspect he's not really clear what gender/sex actually is. He does tend to correctly refer to me and Weeble as "she" and J as "he", but it's not 100%. And he's definitely noticed a difference in our anatomy, though I think he's simply just mystified by it. As for people outside the family, he tends to refer to everyone as "he". Just the other day, a woman with extremely long hair said something to him and when she passed by, he asked "What did he say to me?"
• Sort of related to the above point, a couple of weeks ago we were standing in front of the elevator doors at his preschool, musing about whether anyone would be inside. The doors opened and a middle aged woman came out and walked past us. I am pretty sure she was within earshot, but I'm not sure she was able to make out what Squeakles said (I hope not): "It's a grandma!" (My concern about her hearing is that she was not all that old. I take that as a compliment to his own grandmothers who do not look the least bit elderly, but I doubt that the woman who was called a "grandma" would assume that!
• J got back from a trip to San Francisco on Wednesday morning after flying overnight. He crawled right into bed and I commented to Squeakles that Daddy was going to bed in the morning! J tried to explain to him that in San Francisco it was still nighttime even though it was morning here. Squeakles thought it over for a second and then said, "Two suns!" I was so impressed with his reasoning that I jumped right in with an explanation about how the sun moves around the earth, then tried to correct myself, and then was kind of relieved to notice that no one was really listening to me. :)

And our Weeble is such a little sweetie who is happy almost all the time unless she has a specific need to eat or sleep or have her diaper changed. Otherwise she spends her time either raising her arm up in the air and smiling at us, or inspecting the floor for anything she can put into her mouth. She loves to laugh in that way that babies do - uncontrollable belly laughs when something surprises her or strikes her as really funny (like fingers crawling towards her). At ten months old, she still isn't talking, but yesterday she started saying "uh oh" with a little glint in her eye whenever she dropped something (usually on purpose).

She is also an amazing sleeper. For which I am so, so grateful.

Squeakles continues to have his sleep problems, but we have just compounded them by taking the "fier" (pacifier) away. We tried about a week ago, but gave in because no one was sleeping well to begin with because everyone was sick, and anyway both J and I were going out of town the following weekend. But last night I just told him no more fier. He already doesn't use one at school for naps, so he didn't freak out about it. He definitely has more trouble getting to sleep, but I've been being really gentle about it - not getting frustrated with him when he tells me he's having trouble sleeping (over and over), but instead trying to help him relax and go to sleep - a couple of head rubs, some quiet (and hopefully) boring counting, etc.

But now both kids are asleep, so I would be an idiot if I stayed at my computer any longer. Good night world!

An Unexpected Day

Last night I went to bed way too late after furiously packing absolutely everything so that in the morning we could leave for our flight to Florida without having to do anything more than shower and leave.

• I went to bed by myself because J had fallen asleep putting Squeakles to bed and was still in his room.  But before I could even get under the covers, I discovered I had a bloody nose, so I had to spend an additional ten minutes sitting up and waiting for it to stop.
• Then, of course, I couldn't get to sleep because I was worrying about getting up the next morning on time.  My alarm was set for 6:45 am, which was only going to give me a few hours of sleep.
• Once I did get to sleep I had to get back up to go to the bathroom.  I hate that.  And I was having a strange anxiety dream that fortunately I don't remember now, but it was annoying enough that I had to try to push it out of my mind before falling asleep.
• About half an hour later, J came to bed - a welcome addition, but it woke me up again.
• At 6 am, J's phone rang.  It was a recording from US Airways, telling us that our flight to Florida was canceled, thank you very much, click.
• J called right back and spoke with a representative from the airline who told him that the flight was canceled due to "maintenance".  And maybe also a little bit the storm, though she said this kind of as an add-on, not as the official reason for canceling the flight.  She looked for the next available flight to put us on, at first offering us some really terrible 12-hr journeys on Tuesday that involved two changes of planes and long layovers (three hours for one of them).  When we said no thanks to those, she found us a direct flight on Wednesday flying in first class, so naturally we jumped at the opportunity.  We also switched our return flight to two days later, so we'll be gone for the same amount of time.  If anything, our trip now coincides better with the days that J's family will be off from work.
• Of course, we had already told our babysitter that we didn't need her for today and tomorrow.  I sent her an email to see if she was available, but told her not to worry if she'd already made plans and indeed I haven't heard back from her.
• Because J had lab meeting today, he went into work today while I stayed home with Squeakles.  It was clear that Squeakles was tired this morning, so we started off by cuddling in an arm chair and watching Thomas the Tank Engine.  I was actually hoping it would last a while, but after about 10 minutes he was bored and ready to play for real.
• With no food in the house for lunch or dinner for two days, I needed to go grocery shopping.  I made a plan to go out for lunch with Squeakles (to Cafe Lutecia just down the street), then do some quick grocery shopping, and then play in the snow for a bit.  I hoped that after that he'd be readier than ready for a nap.
• It turns out he was tired all morning and when I put him in the stroller all bundled up, he got very drowsy.
• Parts of the sidewalks in my neighborhood have been shoveled and maybe even salted, but there are just as many parts that have snow that has only been compressed by people walking on it.  Our stroller did an amazing job of bumping up and over mounds of snow and pushing through areas of 8 inch snow drifts.
• It was sort of interesting to note people's reactions to my pushing a stroller on the snowy sidewalks.  Some of them would just look at Squeakles and comment on how nice and cozy he looked.  Other people would make big offers to help me, though I always refused because for the most part I was managing fine.  And others just passed by, never seeming to think of offering to help, including one guy who even made eye contact as he went around me to get by as I'd hit a particularly deep/slushy spot and was pulling the stroller from the front.
• Cafe Lutecia was closed, so I decided to go to Ants Pants Cafe, where we sat up at the stools by the front window.
• There were three stools up front and Squeakles and I took up two of them.  As we were settling in, a young (well, my age) guy came and sat next to us.  Squeakles kept smiling at him and reaching over to the tiles on the countertop in front of him, and even though I apologized, I think the guy liked the attention.  Overall, we mostly kept to ourselves though and I hoped we didn't bother the guy too much.  Well, he must have been enamored with Squeakles because when I went to pay, I found out the guy had already paid for us!  (He had since left and been replaced by someone else who Squeakles tried to win over, but with less success.  Squeakles said "Hi Squeakles!" (except, obviously using his own real name) multiple times, and the guy just awkwardly said hi back and that was it.)  I thought that was such a nice gesture for a stranger to pay for our meal, but it was strange too because there was no way I could thank him!  So I left a greater than 50% tip and hoped that the guy who treated us would have wanted me to pay it forward.
• Squeakles and I made our way across the mounds of snow across the street to the grocery store, where he fell soundly asleep in the stroller and hasn't woken up since.  (He's now napping cozy in his bed.)
• I have to confess that I didn't really feel like staying out in the cold today so I wasn't too disappointed that we didn't get to play in the snow.

A Month of Travel

A friend pointed out to me that it's been a month since I last updated! It seems there is always something to say, but no time to say it.

In the last month we've been out of town a lot. First I went to a conference in Boston and was gone for three nights. The following weekend I ended up having a really insane work week and weekend. I even slept overnight at my boss (mentor's) house one night because it was just easier than taking the train home, sleeping in my own bed, and getting up early to take the train back again. The weekend after that J had a conference to go to in Boston, so Squeakles and I tagged along. I was relieved not to be working though; we stayed with my sister who lives in Massachusetts. During the day Squeakles and I explored the area and one day we went to the Boston Children's Museum, which of course he absolutely loved. After that weekend it was almost Thanksgiving, so J dropped me and Squeakles off at my parents' house in New York while he came back home because he had a class to teach. I did some work from my parents' house while they played with Squeakles, and again, it was clear that he was having a fantastic time. (It was also clear that my parents were having a fantastic time.) And then it was Thanksgiving weekend and several of my relatives came to visit. I think we had something like 21 people for Thanksgiving dinner, and the other nights' dinners were just as elaborate and big. My mom spends weeks preparing food and freezing it and even so, it is like watching her run a restaurant (though an efficient one).

So it's been a really busy month, though for the most part, a fun one. We now have this weekend and the next couple of weeks travel-free, so "all" we have to worry about is end-of-the-semester stuff. And then we're headed to Florida to visit J's family.

I think I'll devote a later post to talking about what Squeakles is saying and doing lately. Instead, I leave you with this audio I recorded last night (using Voice Memo on my iPhone) as Squeakles was lying in bed. He is starting to sing now, with a little hint of melody in his voice, though as you'll see, he often needs some prompting.

Please click through to my blog if you are reading this post in an email.

Squeakles "sings" ABC

My Husband is Crazy

So many things are passing me by that I mean to blog about, but haven't found the time for.  There was J's parents visit here a couple of weeks ago, and a more recent weekend visit with my parents.  I have pictures from both, but no time to post them.

Squeakles continues to say more wonderful things.  I'll try to update about that soon too.  (Right now he's browsing through his truck book saying "A concrete mixer truck!  A concrete mixer truck!  What is that?  A fire truck.")

But since I'm short on time, I thought I'd relay a weird story about my husband.  (Hope he doesn't mind!)

Last night I reached over and hugged him as I was falling asleep (note:  I was "falling asleep" for over an hour) and my hand touched something.  It was a cylinder, maybe a can.  I woke him up to ask what it was, and he looked down at it and said, "Pledge."  It was a can of Pledge (spray for dusting) that had been near the bed.  "I guess I thought it was important," he said.  And then he put it on the nightstand and went back to sleep.

Raindrops

Stepped out onto the street after work today into a nice cool rain, with my umbrella up and bright green rain boots on my feet, opened up Pandora on my iPhone...

First song:  Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head (Ben Folds)

Two songs later:  Good Day Sunshine (The Beatles)

My Day

This past week I've been tired in the evenings after work and have been letting dishes stay in the sink until the next morning and there have been more toys strewn around the living room than usual. But last night I couldn't stand the mess anymore and finally put the toys into some new bins we bought. Then today I tried to tackle everything else on my (mental) list of things to do. Of course, getting them all done (or even started) would be physically impossible, but I did manage to do a lot of different things (in this order).

• cleaned the kitchen from last night
• made strawberry/banana pancakes
• cleaned the kitchen from breakfast
• did two loads of laundry (and put the clothes away!)
• went to the farmer's market
• made enough carrots for Squeakles for the week, plus some to freeze
• cut up enough cheese for Squeakles for the week
• put Squeakles down for a nap (two hours!)
• cleaned up the kitchen again
• did some work
• took Squeakles to the playground
• went running
• showered
• made dinner
• read to Squeakles
• put Squeakles to bed
• watched the last fifteen minutes of the US-Haiti game (soccer) that J had recorded for me while I was putting Squeakles to bed

And now it's 10 pm. And I think I need to clean the kitchen for the fourth time today.

But first, here are a few pictures from the playground today.

Going down the slide.

Saying "wheeee" on the swing.

Riveted by the train.

A Post About Me and Not My Child (this is my blog after all)

• I've been working on writing a paper and it's totally stressing me out. This is annoying because I really love this project, I love my bosses, and I think it will be a good paper. So it's frustrating to be feeling free-floating anxiety and an undercurrent of panic. I wonder if it's just dissertation flashbacks. Whatever, I'm working through it and I'm determined to feel happy about the paper in the end.
• The cats are fighting again. This also really stresses me out. We have currently separated the cats and given each their own litter box and food. So now we're dealing with two cats who each want to be in the other's space and don't understand why the doors are closed.
• We're going to a kiddie pool party tomorrow afternoon. Squeakles has three bathing suits (one I bought before I realized we'd be getting two hand-me-downs) but no swim diaper. I didn't know such things existed until a few days ago and I'm wondering where I can get one before this party. (Maybe it's not necessary for this party, but see below for why it might be necessary later this week.) We don't have a car anymore and the big box stores like Target or Babies R Us are not especially close by (I'm sure I could take a bus, but I really don't want to spend a whole morning going out on this errand). I'm hoping to find something at Rite Aid or CVS in the diaper section.
• We're going to another party on Sunday evening. It's a potluck so I have to think of something (easy and quick) to make.
• We're going on vacation with my immediate and extended family all of next week. We'll be staying in a timeshare and doing things like ... well, I don't actually know. I've been too busy to do more than a cursory Google search about things in the area. Well, one thing I know about is that there's a pool in the timeshare complex (this is why we might need a swim diaper).
• Somehow, over the weekend, I also need to find the time to do laundry, pack, and clean! (Oh, and work. I'm supposed to send my bosses an update on part of the paper, review some work a research assistant has been doing, and review abstracts for a conference.)
• I'm attempting to start the Couch-to-5K running program again! So far I've done two days. J is also doing it, but we've been running separately. In the past we've always run together, but one reason our last attempt failed is that it was just so hard to find a time that was good for both of us. We stagger our work hours, so there are times (even whole days) when one of us is at work while the other is home with Squeakles. Since we have a jogging stroller, the person-at-home can just take Squeakles out running whenever they feel like it.
• I planned to run on Tuesday evening, but was almost foiled by rain. Fortunately it only lasted about fifteen minutes.
• This evening's run was nearly foiled by a flat stroller tire. I dragged the stroller out of the apartment building (with Squeakles in it) and drove it to this bike shop, the whole time trying to drive it mainly on the two non-flat tires. I was relieved that the bike shop was able to sell me another inner tube for the tire - $11 later and I was ready to run. I was then nearly foiled (again!) by rain (again!), but the menacing clouds turned out to be all for show.
• I think running is helping with the stress. It's partly the exercise, and partly the chance to spend 20 minutes not working, not chasing after Squeakles, and not cooking/cleaning/etc.
• Since my mom will be reading this, I should point out: If I sound particularly stressed, well, the stress is there, but mostly I'm just tired this past week. In the bigger picture of life, I'm actually quite happy.
• Squeakles is getting happier every day, if that is possible.
• We've been listening to Michael Jackson.

Not exactly the beautiful getaway I was hoping for...

Please, try to suppress your jealousy.

A Little Bit of Morning

I'm so tired this morning, after being up with Squeakles last night for an hour between 3 and 4 am.  Fortunately, I can work at home again today, so I can take a bit of a slow start.  Drink my coffee, get to work at my desk, and deal with showering later.  Meanwhile, Squeakles is still sleeping and if he continues sleeping for a while, I'll have this time to myself.  If not, we'll nurse and soon enough the babysitter will arrive.

... Game over!  Babysitter is here and Squeakles is awake.  Time to get to work!

Okonomiyaki

I am so hungry tonight.  In fact, lately I've been hungry a lot.  This was brought to my attention when someone asked me, after reading my Twitter updates which are all about wanting to eat and wanting to sleep, whether I am pregnant.  I am not.  But I am breastfeeding and supposedly that makes you hungry.  And although I do think about food all the time, I also have my mind on a million other things, so I have this habit of forgetting to eat at regular times and then I reach the point of being TOO. HUNGRY. TO. EVEN. THINK.

Anyway, tonight I am very hungry.  Fortunately, I have my own "Japanese" chef (well, ok, it's just J) who is making okonomiyaki for dinner tonight.  While I sit here smelling scallions, I thought I would post pictures from the last time J made okonomiyaki.  I had intended to post the pictures then, but you know, life.

So, okonomiyako is basically a savory (not sweet) seafood pancake - it's not hard but you need a few things that you can't get at the regular grocery store.

First you make the batter:

• 2 C wheat flour
• 1 - 1 1/2 C dashi stock
• 5 eggs (in place of yamaimo, which is mountain potato)

And then you add a bunch of stuff.

• lots and lots of scallions (J uses 3 bunches, chopped)

• imitation crab, chopped (J used 8 sticks)
• shrimp, chopped (J used 10, but says it's better to add more and varied types of seafood)

(Actually, you could use cabbage, pork, etc., though we prefer seafood and scallion.)

Then you heat a little oil in a large pan, pour and spread the batter in the pan, and at some point, flip it.

And on top you drizzle and sprinkle:

• okonomiyaki sauce
• bonito flakes
• you could also add nori flakes if you wanted

Beware - cats LOVE bonito flakes.  We found Koji enjoying both the warmth of the dishwasher (below him) and the scent of an opened bag of bonito flakes (just behind him).

And now my pancake has just arrived, and I am saved once again from nearly starving to death.  Oh, and it is so, so good.