PhiLLy RoLL

Another Bulleted List

Sorry for the bulleted updates lately, but they are so quick and easy.

• The cats are friendly again. I don't know what changed, but it's not anything we did unless just keeping them separated for a few days was enough for their animosity towards each other to wane. Last night they cleaned each others' faces, which turned into play, and this morning they romped around the house as usual after their morning food. So I guess we'll be keeping Koji. For now.
• This morning I was eating a bagel and watching tv while nursing Lucas. I noticed he'd stopped nursing, so I looked down and he was looking up at me with huge eyes and a smile. He seemed fascinated by my eating and wouldn't go back to nursing until I'd finished. He smiled huge every time I took a bite of the bagel and chewed it, and I really wasn't hamming it up in the least. He just seemed to find my eating to be fascinating. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, if you only knew how normal it is to eat the way I do and how bizarre it is to eat the way you do. :)
• We need to buy a stroller. Now that Lucas is 14 pounds (according to our scale at home), I'm getting tired carrying him everywhere in 90 degree heat and then also carrying a big diaper bag and whatever other bags I happen to pick up along the way (e.g., grocery shopping). I've gotten advice on strollers from two people so far and it's completely contradictory. One person recommended a $50 Chicco stroller and the other recommended a $700 Bugaboo stroller! I really want to get the "perfect" stroller because I expect to be using it almost every day when the weather is nice (and hopefully it will be so perfect that I can use it when the weather isn't nice), but I don't know how to assess what would make a stroller perfect for me. And we'd really like to spend less than $700! Basically, I want something to use everywhere - going on walks around the neighborhood just to get out of the house or to go short distances, going for longer walks (maybe even runs?) for exercise, going to a restaurant or shopping where (for now) Lucas would (hopefully) be happy to sit/sleep in the stroller, going out to run errands in small city grocery stores, and traveling by plane or car and using at our destination for sightseeing. I haven't managed to read through the reviews on all the strollers at Babies R Us, but right now this red Joovy stroller is calling out to me - all of the reviews are glowing. However, if any parents who read my blog have any advice to offer, I'm all ears!
• I'm learning (and re-learning all the time) that if I want to work at home, I have to avoid Lucas and J. If they are in the office / nursery, then I have to move to the living room. And if they come out to the living room, then I have to go back to my desk. (Good thing I have a laptop.) And if they're all over the apartment, then I need to leave! I don't like to go to the office on the weekends (my work days include Saturday and Sunday) because it's a hot 15 minute walk and then I end up in a depressing office all by myself, so yesterday I went to The Good Karma Cafe. At first I tried to sit outside, but I discovered that even when shaded by an umbrella it was still too bright for me to be able to see anything on my laptop. So then I moved inside where every single table except one was occupied by someone with a laptop. I sat down and had lunch and did some work until my laptop battery ran out (about 2 1/2 hours). It felt so great to be close to home, but yet not to be at home! I was really able to focus on what I was doing, so I actually got some work done.
• I am reviewing abstracts for a conference and I'm finding it quite fun. I really enjoying hearing about different people's research, especially in such a quick and succinct way! Sometimes it's relevant to my own research and gets me excited by giving me ideas about future directions I might take. Also, it makes me feel like a part of something that my opinion matters. However, just because I'm enjoying the process doesn't mean I'm giving everyone high marks. I'm trying to find the good and the bad and to offer praise where warranted, as well as give some feedback and/or constructive criticism. Except for one terrible abstract that I can't even believe someone submitted. The abstract was basically this: "Many phenomena suggest X, which suggests Y. I present a model which captures this phenomena and show how it has implications for debates in this field. In particular, I show how it explains previously contradictory evidence in the field. I will also talk about its implications for the really broad issues in the field." Although I've taken out the details of what X, Y, and "the field" stand for, this is pretty much the abstract that was submitted. There were no citations, no details, no clear question, no summary of how the model works or even what it's really supposed to do, and certainly no evidence that the research project actually even exists. So that's pretty much what I said in my comments to the author(s).

A Vacation, A Conference, and yes, More Baby Stuff

• This past weekend we went to visit J's family. Lucas had a fantastic time!! In fact, I think he's bored now that he's home and only has me and J to entertain him and his same old crib and everyday playthings. Poor kid. :)
• Lucas was a huge hit with everyone he met - and he met a lot of people. Whenever anyone smiles at him, his face lights up in a huge smile. It's really endearing.
• We heard Lucas' first laugh this weekend! It was elicited by a nurse in a doctor's office, but both J and I were there to hear it. It was so genuine and happy-sounding that J and I both got choked up. Since then we've only heard a couple heh-heh's, but we're eagerly waiting for him to really bust out.
• With J's parents, we wandered around a campground where there are peacocks. I guess they're a "common" sight in the area, but to me it is bizarre to see these fabulous birds walking around.
  
• Lucas is finally taking naps. In fact, I would say that at this point he's a pretty good sleeper! For the first three months, we really couldn't get him to nap. He would sleep all night (and yes, I know how lucky we are), but during the day we couldn't get him to nap for more than 10-15 minutes at a time unless he was being carried around the city in the Baby Bjorn. (Maybe he had a secret agenda to get his mommy in better shape!) A couple of weeks ago he started waking up once in the middle of the night, but now he seems to be back to sleeping for a nice long period - often eight hours in a row!! So in the past month we made it our goal to get him to sleep more. We figured that first we would do whatever it takes to get him to sleep at a couple of regular times during the day, to get him used to a routine. We discovered that he falls asleep best once in the early morning (after the second nursing, which is usually around 7 am) and once in the late afternoon (around 4 pm) - both times he'll nap anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. Although the way we get him to sleep is for me to nurse him in bed, I'm now able to walk away even if he opens his eyes and watches me leave - he just shuts his eyes again. If he wakes up within 10-20 minutes of going to sleep, I can often walk in and although he's got his eyes open, if I stick a pacifier in his mouth, he closes his eyes again and goes back to sleep. These naps mean a happier baby when he's awake and happier parents because we actually get a bit of a break now! (Of course, I only get a break if I don't fall asleep with Lucas, which is what I sometimes do in the mornings.)
• I didn't bring my breastpump with me on the trip to visit J's family, but I did bring some formula in case we needed to make bottles. We gave him one bottle on the way from the airport to their house because it's a long drive and I can't exactly feed him while he's in the car seat, and then we also gave him a couple of ounces the next day when I accidentally bonked his head on the car door frame as I was trying to get him into his car seat (oops). But for the next four days we didn't give him any more bottles. He wanted to be fed about every two hours, but we never needed to resort to a bottle! I'd say that counts as exclusively breastfeeding!
• Our cats have been fighting on and off since a few days before Lucas was born. When it started, I thought it was really horrible timing. But we also considered the possibility that maybe they sensed something different in me. Maybe there are some about-to-go-into-labor pheromones. :) (If only Ianqui had a cat, then she would know when Yo would finally be really to come out!) Since then the cats have been on-and-off again fighting and last night J and I actually had a serious talk about getting rid of one of the cats (Koji because he's usually the chaser). It really, really stresses me out to have the all-out yowling and hissing cat fights. It's partly because the fights are so intense that it's possible that the cats will hurt one another. And, of course, it's also partly because I am worried about Lucas. I was willing to keep waiting to see if they would eventually settle down, but it's been four months and we still have days and nights when we have to keep them separated. We think that the reason they are fighting is that they aren't sure about the hierarchy in the house now that there is a new creature who gets nearly all of our attention. So maybe they are trying to understand and/or re-establish a hierarchy. Or it could be that they are realy uneasy and are taking it out on each other. Whatever the reason, though, I just wish they could resolve it. I really don't want to give up a cat.
• Today I "chaired" a session at a conference. It sounded easy when I agreed to do it - I would only have to introduce the speakers and then hold up time cards during the talks. But it turned out to involve so much attention to the clock that I hardly heard the talks - each talk was 25 minutes and I was supposed to hold up warnings for 10, 5, and 2 minutes remaining as well as a "stop" card, and then there was a 10 minute talk by a discussant, and then a 5 minute reply by the speaker, and then about 10 minutes of questions from the audience. And academics like to finish their point, so they often just go ahead and ignore the time keeper. And of course I don't have a watch and there was no clock, so I had to keep checking my phone for the time. It was also my job to call on people in the audience during the question period, and although many of them are probably well known to each other, I didn't recognize any of them except my two bosses and a professor from my grad school (who was in a different department than mine, but he recognized me from having come to my dissertation presentation). Some of the speakers at this conference are names I know but who I'd never seen in person before and I really didn't want to offend anyone by not knowing who they were or not calling on someone who might be really important to the discussion at hand.
• Before the talks began, one of the discussants came up to me and said, "you know, my mother-in-law had the same name as you" (my first name and my maiden name). It was really surprising because my name isn't particularly common and I've only found one other person with my name when I Google it and she's a deceased artist. Well, it turns out that his mother-in-law was that deceased artist. What a weird coincidence.
• Someone in the audience brought her very young baby. This baby made one or two tiny coos from the back of the room and my body almost fell apart with missing Lucas. It was all I could do to get my attention focused back on the talk instead of feeling near tears because I ached for my baby.

I Actually Said This

It's Saturday night and I've just put the baby to sleep.

Me (feeling gleeful about the potentially free evening ahead of me):

"Ooh, next thing I'm going to do is enter subject data and eat ice cream!"

[Pause]

Me (rethinking the unabashed hope I'd just experienced):

"No, I shouldn't plan that because Lucas could wake up. I might spend the rest of the night feeding him and then getting him back to sleep."

J (reasonably):

"Just think of it as an "if" plan. You might get to do those things if Lucas continues to sleep."

And so that's what it is - an "if" plan. But it's one that looks like it's going to work out. I've just eaten some ice cream. And now I'm off to enjoy the rest of my wild and crazy Saturday night - data entry!

Pregnant!

No, not again. :)

It's just that I meant to post this picture, oh about four months ago. Finally getting around to it now.

This was taken on February 9th, so I was almost exactly 8 months pregnant. Thanks for Chiaroscuro for taking my pregnancy pictures!

Back to the present, here is a picture of Lucas playing with the fish mobile. I can't believe he's still entertained by this, but he really is. Today he was practically cavorting with joy.

And now, I really must go to bed. It's almost 12:30 am and I've been up processing pictures for an hour and a half. Lucas is alseep (after over an hour of trying to get him to sleep) and I think I was a bit drunk on the freedom.

Oh! But before I go, there's an actual reason I should be drunk! Or well, hm, maybe just celebratory, you know, considering I am still breastfeeding Lucas, and although I'll bet he would have gone right to sleep if I had tipped back a few beers tonight, I still err on the side of caution with him. Only one beer tonight.

Anyway, the reason - my bosses got the funding they applied for, which means - I get to keep my job! I mean, I was literally on the verge of getting cut off. But my boss called me at home today to tell me, and I have been elated ever since.

(I've been so stressed out about this that when my lab manager IM'd me to tell me that my boss was about to call me, but then she wouldn't tell me why he was calling, I got all freaked out and imagined he must be calling about something bad. I didn't know what I might have done, but I immediately starting thinking of all the ways I might have messed up badly enough that he needed to call me at home. Fortunately, he called right away so I didn't have time to fret about it for too long. I answered tentatively, feeling a little weird about knowing that he was going to call and it must have been obvious because he asked if I was ok. Sure, I said, as breezily as I could. And then he told me the news, and I felt like the biggest idiot for assuming the worst. Well, then I got all giddy, and I've had this weird half-smile on my face ever since.)

Anyway, now I really must go to bed. Lucas has started waking up around 5 am and this morning he was too awake and joyful with life to go back to sleep after that (it was very cute), so I'd better prepare myself for an early morning.

It's Really Hot Today

Life is certainly busy these days.

And hot. It's really, really hot today.

So as I sit here at my computer where I having been trying to work all day, half sweating, and now pumping (hands free!), I thought I'd try to post half an update.

• I have a really cute video of Lucas that I've been trying to convert for the web for a week and I just can't figure out how to do it. The main problem is just lack of time for figuring these things out. But maybe one of my blog readers has a clue? Here's what I'm trying to do: We have a Sony HD video camera and it records in m2t format. Using the Sony software I can capture the video in HD to my computer and view it using the software, but I can't convert it to any other format. I downloaded some software called MPEG Streamclip, which does allow me to view and convert m2t files, but for some reason the videos are choppy. So does anyone use any other good (and best if it's free) software for converting m2t files?
• Of course, by the time I get the movie working, Lucas will have moved on to other cute things, so instead I'll just tell you about his newest trick. A couple of weeks ago he discovered his hand. I wish we'd gotten a good video of him holding it out in front of his face and staring at it, but unfortunately we didn't and now he doesn't really do it anymore. Then last week we watched him actually using his arms - he was lying under the fish mobile which hangs within arms reach. He used to flail about underneath it and occasionally he'd hit the fish, so I guess he finally made the connection and he started reaching out and hitting them, mostly by pushing with one foot into a back arch and then using a backhand to hit the fish. Now this week he's become pretty proficient at it, and doesn't have to use his whole body quite so much, which seems to be freeing him up to practice coo-ing and squealing. It's very cute. (But I'm assuming the next development will be to grab the fish, which unfortunately means it will be getting close to time to moving the mobile so he doesn't bring it down on himself.)
• I've lost about 30 pounds since Lucas was born, which leaves me with about 10 to go. I can fit into three pairs of pre-pregnancy pants - just as it's gotten too hot to wear them! I squeezed myself into a pair of shorts today, but it was neither pretty nor comfortable. So that leaves one skirt - a hot pink skirt with big Hawaiian flowers. I'm not exactly sure what to do about this. Well, sure, exercising is one option, but at the moment I don't have a whole lot of time. (That schedule that J and I came up with doesn't allow time to do anything but work and take care of Lucas.) And who's to say that my hips are going to go back to exactly the same shape as before. So what do I do? Buy new clothes? I can't wear my maternity clothes because 1) they were for fall and winter and now it's 90 degrees out, and 2) they are much too big. I hate to buy clothes for the "big" me, especially since I hope that I won't be needing them for long.
• I actually asked my hair dresser for a mom cut - something that wouldn't involve a lot of time and energy to style. I already had a pretty straight-forward hair style, but I actually spent every morning trying to blow dry it (relatively) straight. But on the morning of my hair appointment, I was hot and sweaty from the recent humidity and from holding a hot baby all the time, so my naturally wavy hair was practically curly. Looking forward to a summer of holding a hot baby on hot city streets and my mile-long walk to work over the Schuykill River, I thought that maybe I should stop trying to fight the wave with a hot blow dryer and just get a cut that encouraged my hair to curl. I even had visions of not evening blow drying it in the morning. Well, my hair dresser did what I asked, but I'm not sure I like it. I kind of have crazy hair now. But on the plus side, I don't have to blow dry it. (Or, well, it doesn't really help when I do.)
• The other day I had a strong feeling that Ianqui had gone into labor. But then she popped online and told me that she'd been at a dissertation proposal meeting, so I guess my psychic powers were wrong.
• Strange people have been making cameos in my dreams lately. Last night I saw Woody Allen walk by on the street. I was in a room and saw him outside on the street, and I got all excited because it's the first time I've seen a famous person in real life. (That is, outside of a show or concert or something.) I think I had this dream because the other night J and a couple other friends were talking about famous politicians they've seen in real life, and one friend was going on about exactly how far the person had been - something like five feet away. (I'm so spacey these days that I can't even remember who she was talking about.) And while she was talking, I was thinking about when I went to see Steven Colbert (when he recently came to Philly for a week) and the warm-up comedian was telling all the people in the front rows that they were going to go home and tell all their friends about how they were "this close" to Steven Colbert, as if proximity to a famous person somehow brushes some of that fame off on you.
• In another dream, I was in a trailer with some people and one of them wanted to hold Lucas - it was Saddam Hussein. I was reluctant, but felt like I couldn't say no. So I handed him over nervously, thinking, well, at least I can tell Lucas one day that Saddam Hussein had held him. All of a sudden Saddam started shaking him and making machine gun noises, and then a baby flew across the room and hit the wall behind me. I turned in shock, only to find that it had been a doll that had been thrown. I was really taken aback and pissed off, but I also felt like I couldn't exactly get mad about it ... because it was Saddam Hussein. So I feebly offered an explanation that our friend Cris had just mentioned earlier that night (in real life) that he's learned that you can't really joke with mothers about their kids, that they have no sense of humor when it comes to their own kids. I'd like to think I can take a small joke, but when I thought Saddam Hussein had thrown my child against wall, well, it wasn't exactly funny. And anyway, I was right that he wasn't joking in good fun - shortly after that, Saddam took us all hostage and then I ended up in a house with the Brady Bunch family... ok, that was weird. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep these days.
• Well, I'm done with pumping, so I've got to get back to work!

What a Walk Will Do

Yesterday after several hours of trying to get Lucas to take a nap and failing, I was getting a little frustrated. Actually a lot frustrated. Hours of fussiness and crying can really take it's toll and I'd been up since 6:30 am with him. Now it was 1:30 and I had fed him several times and then alternated between trying to lull him to sleep and holding him when the lulling was going about as badly as it could.

I'd had grand plans to teach him to nap, especially after he'd gone down so easily on Monday. On Monday, I'd swaddled him before his second nursing of the day so that when we were done, he'd be ready to sleep. (I swaddle him at night before nursing him and he falls asleep with me and then later I just transfer him to his own bed and it works every time.) When I put him in the crib, he was very drowsy and so I spent about ten minutes running my fingers down his forehead and nose until he drifted into a deep enough sleep that I could walk away. On Tuesday I went to work while J stayed home, so I think he napped on J's lap. On Wednesday, I easily transferred him sleeping from my lap after nursing to the crib. And then, yesterday, I tried my nap technique again and it was a huge, huge failure.

I tried to lull him to sleep through the crying, but it just wasn't working. Eventually I had to change him because he was wet and then there was no way he was going to sleep after that. So I tried nursing him and then trying to put him to sleep again. Nothing. Another diaper change and then more nursing. And swinging. And nursing. And carrying him around. And lots of crying and fussing in the crib while I tried to convince him he was ready to sleep. By 1:30 pm I was about to lose my mind.

I was frustrated with Lucas for not sleeping. I was frustrated with motherhood because I now spend hours of my life in this nurse, rock, change routine with few, if any, breaks in between. I was frustrated with J because I felt like he viewed his work as more important than mine, evidenced by his tendency to try to put in lots of hours at the office because he feels behind and meanwhile, I feel like my own time to work is being squeezed unfairly. I was frustrated at the world for - well, I don't know, but it seemed that the world was very unfair. Like, how come the movie I'd recorded turned out to be on a channel we don't get and so all I got was two hours of black screen?! How come there is nothing good on t.v. in the middle of the day? Why must the cats shed everywhere, leaving their fur to dance around the apartment, unmercifully teasing me and knowing I don't have the time to do a thorough cleaning?

So I IM'd J to vent. As though IM'ing him while Lucas was crying in my arms was really going to help things. I think I just wanted him to know that my days aren't necessarily filled with pleasant nursing while watching t.v., followed by lots of free time around the apartment to do what I want. Sometimes my days are filled with constant soothing and rocking and walking around and swaying, all with a baby crying right in my ear. Of course, all J could say was that he was sorry and try to walk that fine line between telling me that this would pass and I should try to relax, while at the same time not enraging me by suggesting things that I've already tried or telling me that things are really not that bad.

Eventually, having a reached a point where I wanted to just throw my little overtired baby to get him to stop crying and just go to sleep (because, you know, throwing a baby always results in giggles followed by restful sleep), I realized I need to GET OUT. Fine, if he wouldn't sleep, then we would go out!! That will show him! I'll pound out some of this frustration energy and he'll probably go to sleep, the little jerk.

So I put on the Baby Bjorn, grabbed my keys (but forgot my cell phone), and headed out the door.

Ok, where to go?

I went to the Schuykill River Trail. It was a little warm and I was wearing jeans, but I didn't care to go back and change. Oh no, we were going to walk and we were going to do it right now! I would walk and walk until I wasn't mad anymore.

The first couple of people I passed looked adoringly into the Baby Bjorn as I passed by, and I grumbled internally about how they don't know what I've been through this morning. Yeah, he looks cute when he's all quiet and looking around, but you should have seen him before I left the house. Then just a few minutes later, he conked out, so it was just me and my angry thoughts for the rest of the walk.

Once he was asleep, I decided to try to think a little more rationally. Okay, so he was sleeping, is that such a bad thing? Isn't this what I wanted? And I started to calm down and I thought, you know, the good thing is that he's sleeping. And clearly, he needed to sleep. The more worked up he got at home, the less likely he was to sleep and it was just creating a cycle where we would both be getting more exhausted and frustrated. And then I erased the ridiculous thought in my mind that by getting him to sleep by walking him would mean that I would be doing this for the rest of his life, or even doing this until he was five, or even that I would be doing this every day for the next two months. It's one day. And he needs the sleep.

So once I found peace in that thought, I started thinking about everything else. Like J and how he so unfairly wants to work extra hours, even at the expense of my hours! What a jerk! He thinks that somehow we can both work at least 40 hours and take care of Lucas without a babysitter at this point, but you know what, it's my hours that are going to be cut when we're short on time. We had come up with a plan that has him working in the office during the day on Mon, Wed, Thurs, and Fri, and me working at home nights and weekends and going into the office on Tuesdays. But of course, that will only work if J gets into work on time and/or doesn't work late; otherwise, my hours get squeezed out. How unfair! ... Breathe... Okay, think, is J really a jerk? Is he that uncaring that he thinks only of himself? Uh, no. Okay, maybe I should try that rational thinking again.

First of all, hours are tight and that does make this difficult. But J isn't trying to squeeze out my hours. If anything, he's trying to make sure he can be around so that I do get time to work. And he does try to take care of Lucas in equal amounts of time. If things aren't equal yet, it's because we just started this (potentially crazy) new schedule and it's going to take some adjusting. (For the the first few days of our new schedule, I didn't get any work done because I spent the whole time either breastfeeding Lucas whenever he needed to be fed, or fetching things for J when he needed them if he was holding Lucas, or just generally expending time and energy worrying about whether Lucas was being soothed properly or whether he needed to be changed or whether he needed to eat. And I was distracted because I was trying to work in the same room where J was caring for a sometimes-crying Lucas and playing music on his computer. I quickly learned that the only way for me to work is to remove myself from the room, both emotionally and physically. And I learned that if I stop to pump for 15 minutes, that's a lot less time spent than spending 45 minutes breastfeeding.) So the new schedule, it might be crazy, but we came up with it together to make sure that we both got the time to do what we needed to do and also take care of Lucas. But what I needed at this point was to go over a written version of it with J to make sure we were both in agreement about what we're trying to do and make sure it's realistic. And with a deep breath, I reminded myself that J would certainly be willing to do that.

Having now reached the point of realizing that it was a good thing that Lucas was sleeping as we walked and that I would get to talk with J about the schedule that I was so worried about, I turned my thoughts to the rest of the world that I was so frustrated with. ... At least, I tried to, but now I couldn't quite remember exactly what I was angry about. Sure I feel overwhelmed at times, but I also feel incredibly lucky. Here I was, walking on a sunny day along a beautiful path in a city I love, carrying a baby I love, thinking about my husband who I love, wanting to make sure I get enough time to work at a job that I love ... I didn't feel quite so angry anymore. As I walked home I noticed that I smiled at the people I was passing by.

Finally home, I realized that I was sweating. I'd just walked 2.75 miles (according to Google Earth) in jeans while wearing a (probably) 10 pound baby on my chest. So I changed into much lighter clothes, nursed Lucas again, watched a program (Senate Hearing on Safety Concerns over Plastic Additives in Consumer Products) on C-Span, and browsed through a book Ianqui had given me (Baby and Toddler Cookbook). By the time J got home, I was in a positively good mood.

...

Incidentally, if you're wondering how I managed to find the time to type all of this out, it's because this morning, after the second nursing, I managed to put Lucas down for a nap and he's been sleeping now for an hour.

No Room For Food

J and I have a peculiar problem. Our refrigerator is too filled with beer to accommodate much food.

This is because, before our Super Bowl party on Sunday, J bought two cases of cold beer so that there would be beer on hand for the first guests who arrived. (I had been thinking he would either be picking up a six pack, or if he did get a case, that it wouldn't have been cold. But he got the cases from Springfield Beer Distributor, where he says that all of the beer is chilled because the large room it's all displayed in is cool.) Then, most of the people who came to the party brought six packs of beer, only drank one or two, and then refused to take any of it home with them.

And so this is what our fridge looks like now, almost a week after the party.

I really don't know what to do! Clearly I am not in a position to whittle this down. Probably the easiest thing to do would be to have a party, but I have to confess, I was looking forward to at least a couple of weekends without any hosting responsibilities before this baby (and our families) arrive. Then again, it's just beer, so it's not like any party we would have would have to be anything fancy or schmoozy.

This weekend Chiaroscuro is coming to visit, so you can be sure we will do our best to foist beer on her. But she is only one (small) person, so I'd be surprised if she made a significant dent.

And then, soon, we'll be having a baby shower (and actually, the plan is to do it at our apartment). My sister tells me that beer isn't usually a big feature of a baby shower, but I informed her that if we still have this much beer in our fridge by the time of the shower, then it's going to have to be a big drinking party.

Woo hoo! Takers?

More visitors! And another childbirth class! And Japanese tapas!

Yesterday afternoon, J's sister and her husband came to visit. About an hour after they arrived, it was already time to shop, so we went to the stores on Walnut and Chestnut by Rittenhouse, specifically H&M (both of them) since apparently they don't have H&M in Florida!

I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up, so I decided to wear my running sneakers. I haven't worn them since I stopped running (a couple weeks after my pregnancy fatigue hit), since I haven't wanted to wear them out just with walking around. As soon as I put them on, I felt almost like I wanted to run! And then walking around in the afternoon, I was just amazed at how much energy I had. Could it be that I've been wearing such non-supportive and high impact shoes that I've been actually been slowing myself down? If only my running shoes weren't so obviously running shoes (thick soles and hot pink stripes - I bought the ones that were on sale), I would wear them every day. As it is, I think I might start wearing them to walk back and forth to work. It would be so nice to arrive at work feeling invigorated rather than tired! (Of course, it probably didn't hurt that our walking around yesterday was punctuated with a Rouquefort stuffed burger from Good Dog, and later a cinnamon (decaf) latte from Starbucks. So I got to rest periodically and revive with food and drink.)

In the evening, J and I headed off to the second of our childbirth classes. Again, it wasn't terribly useful or informative, but it probably doesn't hurt to go. At the very least, it's making the idea of labor something that I feel more familiar with. It's not that they don't present any information, it's just that most of it is stuff I've already read about. J thinks that maybe we have a different idea of what presentations should be like - that we are expecting in-depth explanations, statistics, reasoning, etc. But these aren't academic talks - of course! Instead, we do things like pull medical objects (e.g., forceps or a vacuum or a catheter) or other random objects (e.g., a massager, a (toy) camera, a (toy) cell phone, etc.) out of a bag and have to guess what they are or what they would be used for, and then the instructor tells us and we get to feel like we participated. And we saw another video last night, and this one was really terrible. It was animated, and the instructor commented that she hoped we liked it better than the one we saw last time because she knows some of us were squeamish. First of all, no one seemed uncomfortable last time, and secondly, if we're in childbirth classes it's because we want to see and learn what's going to be involved! Anyway, this movie had me giggling because the graphics and editing were so cheap and cheesy, and in particular, the cartoon birth had the baby being delivered into these weird green alien hands (J thinks the green was supposed to represent doctors' gloves). But next week is breathing during labor, so that should be more useful / informative.

This morning J's sister and her husband went to NYC for the day and night, so both J and I went to work. One of the grad students brought her two month old into the office with her, so I got to see her. She was so little and cute, and while I was there she just slept peacefully. (Well, once she spit up, but she kind of just continued to sleep through it!)

Then in the evening, J and I went out with some friends. I have not really been all that interested in going out when I'm tired, but for some reason tonight I really wanted to go. I think that I am realizing that we are getting closer and closer to not being able to go out so easily on a work night! Also, I was really excited to try this restaurant - Yakitori Boy, a new Japanese restaurant on 11th and Race. There were six of us, so we got one of the private rooms, and we all just kept ordering various skewers and appetizers and bowls of udon and sushi rolls (I had shrimp tempura) until everyone was full. We all got to try everything and it was all fantastic. We definitely overate, but baby and I didn't mind. :)

And now I'm off to bed. Tomorrow brings another day of work, and then a weekend with J's sister and her husband. The baby's been kicking me for the hour since we've been home so I'm hoping that by the time I get in bed he's also ready to go to sleep.

I'm Back

I'm back from crazy grant preparation in November and December that left me so busy that I didn't even have time to sleep (seriously, I even pulled an all-nighter, something I do not recommend in pregnancy). Back from being busy having various relatives visit us. Back from going to Florida for almost two weeks in December. Back from going to Chicago for a conference this past weekend.

I had grand plans when I got back for all the things I was going to get done now that I have time to do it, but it turns out that I am tired! Last night I dragged myself through the grocery store with J, while he mumbled under his breath about how it was taking so long and he was missing the championship game. At home that night, I tried to do research on Babies R Us on all the different options for strollers and car seats and play pens (or play yards, as they seem to be called now), but there was too much information for my fatigued brain and I couldn't come to any decisions. Eventually I just had to go to bed.

Then tonight after a day of work, I got home "early" (it might have been 6 or 6:30, I think), and all my walking today between home and the office and the doctor's office and back again added up to 3.3 miles (according to Google Earth). So of course I was tired by the time I got home. I actually "stole" J's armchair (I have a less comfy one that I usually sit in) and put a pillow behind my back and cuddled under a blanket. J fed me dinner and we watched tv, and now I'm finally feeling revived.

So here's what's up in my world besides being tired.

I'm running out of funding at my current job and the only way for me to stay is to get new funding. So my bosses and I are applying for three grants, and hoping that at least one of them comes through. Two of them are due in a week and one of them isn't due until April but because of our impending baby I'm going to do it by February anyway. So this week and weekend promises to be pretty busy, but hopefully some good will come of this. Otherwise I will find myself on an unplanned extended maternity leave! (Actually, it's not really that bad, I hope. Even if none of these three grants gets funded, we can revise and reapply for two of them again in just a few months.)

However, assuming the funding comes through, then everything at work is great. I love what I'm doing and my bosses are fantastic and every day I look around and think, how in the world did I get lucky enough to end up here?

In baby news, things are going well. I haven't had any of the really terrible symptoms people complain about. I mean, I think I get more tired than some people. But I skipped morning sickness. And I haven't had any real aches and pains or swelling or heartburn or anything yet. I do get kicked internally on a regular basis, and sometimes it's hard to go to sleep, but once I'm asleep I usually do pretty well. In fact, one morning J told me that he had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when he came back to bed I was still completely asleep and he felt my belly and said there seemed to be a dance party in there. And somehow I slept through it.

I definitely look pregnant now. I needed to buy new clothes while I was in Florida because what I brought were non-maternity summer clothes that just didn't stretch enough for my now-third-trimester belly. Even the maternity clothes I brought were not going to be enough to get me through the third trimester once I got home. For example, I had a pair of pants that I'd been told would get me through the fifth month. I scoffed at the idea, but there I was at 28 weeks and those pants were starting to get really uncomfortable. Now at 30 weeks, I don't even want to contemplate trying to wear them. Fortunately, J's family loves to shop and so I got to browse through tons of outlets and Goodwill stores and I didn't totally break the bank finding things to wear for the next couple of months.

I'm finding that I've reached the point where total strangers comment on my state. For example, today I stopped for sushi for lunch (just cooked though - a California roll and a Boston roll) and on the way out of the restaurant a woman who worked there called out good bye and thank you and then said, "Be careful!" And then elaborated that with the baby, I should be careful! I think it's true that everyone loves a pregnant woman.

I have another ultrasound coming up. I'm actually kind of annoyed about it because I think it's unnecessary. I've reached the point where the doctor measures my belly every visit - from my pubic bone to the top of the uterus. At 27 weeks, I was supposed to be 27 cm, but I was only 25 cm. And apparently that means I might be a little small. But really, 2 cm? And with such a crude way of measuring? I mean, shouldn't she factor in that I'm short? Also, she commented that I am carrying a little wide, so I'm thinking that's where her two centimeters is! Actually, I think she was just looking for an excuse to give me another ultrasound, especially since at a previous visit I asked if she could just say I was running small so I could have another ultrasound. But of course, when she says I'm running small, I get all defensive and think that extra testing is totally unnecesary. I suppose I should just be glad we get to see the baby again! Anyway, she measured me again today and I'm only 1 cm "small", and she didn't seem concerned at all. In fact, I had to remind her about the growth scan she told me to schedule.

We're also starting childbirth classes - tomorrow night! I have absolutely no idea what the class actually involves, but it's free through our work so I signed up. I have to bring J and a pillow - should be interesting!

So things with the baby are going well. Now we just need to get everything in the apartment in order. We have a lot to do!

In fact, with all this energy I have back now, I think I'm going to go finally unpack. I'm really, really tired of living out of a suitcase!

Warmth through Weatherproofing

This year we decided to proactively fight the giant gaping holes (windows) in our apartment by weather proofing them with big plastic sheets. Gone is the wintery breeze that blows in around the rickety wooden frames, which I had previously fought with curtains (sometimes by taping them to the walls). Now our windows are covered in a sheet of clear plastic which billows inward with the cold air, but doesn't let it pass through.

I'm so excited and much cozier.